4 Ways to be a Better Person
How to Become Better? A Very Human Question:
I’ve been chewing on this question for a while which is “How
do I become a better person?” It’s a bit of a loaded question is it not? There
are a seemingly limitless amount of facets to the individual human being all of
which contribute to the overall personality and trajectory of a singular life
within this world. Taking the time for this type of self-reflection opens the
door to thoughts for consideration;
We are all unique in some aspect of ourselves but with the
caveat of also carrying with us overlapping commonalities that ultimately serve
to unite us as human beings.
We all feel the pain of grief as someone we know or love
passes. We all experience the gift of life at one point or another through
having our own children or being close to someone who has a child.
As parents, we all want to see our child succeed in the
world and do our best to equip them in preparation for the hard stoic face that
reality can present at times. Some of us are united through a religion. Others
through a love of music or sports.
The complexity of the human experience seems as infinite in
its scope as the universe itself and yet this ever changing species can at
times pull together to accomplish previously unimaginable feats, such as putting a man on the Moon.
Ever Changing Human Condition, Looking to the Future:
The condition of humans across the Earth has evolved over
the long expanse of time and those of us lucky enough to exist in the modern
era, especially in so called “first world countries” such as America have experienced
potential and accesses to opportunity that very few in the past had within
their grasp.
We are all individually contributors to a much larger
composite that stretches, contorts, and finally settles into the over-arching
identity of man-kind.
No one man determines the definition of man-kind. But could
the sustained and collaborative efforts of a vast population of individuals
reshape the identity of what humans could potentially do with their time on
this Earth?
This is where that question comes back into play of “How to
be a better person”.
Given the opportunity to change the world for the better, if
the larger mass of humans on this planet were contemplating that question with
a firm conviction to than act in a manner to pursue the answer with fiery
passion, how different could our world be for the better?
It brings to mind the beautiful thoughts contained in the
song “Imagine” by John Lennon.
“Imagine all the people, living life in peace. You may say
that I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us and
the world will be as one.”
The idea of us all coming together as humans, united by a
core belief that we have to be better in order to make the world a better place
isn’t silly or devoid of possibility. It is firmly within our grasp if we so
choose to reach out and assert it as the reality that we desire, with a
willingness to pursue such a vision.
What does it really mean to be a “better human”? Is it
measurable? Is it a list of do’s and do not’s? Is it practical, effortless, and
simple or do you have to be extraordinarily involved, focused, and diligent in
your pursuit?
So many questions and so little time! Let’s start with the first method in my list of 4 ways to be a better human.
Working to be Selfless in Order to be a Better Person
In the era of overwhelming connectivity and ease of access,
it is easier than ever to be so focused on comparing yourself with the people
who you know in some way or another. I listened to a great sermon recently
where the pastor discussed how so often our thoughts are trained on social
media and comparing others “highlight reels with OUR blooper reels.”
It’s true as so many post their best versions of themselves
and broadcast them to the rest of the world. Behind the curtain those same
people they may actually be struggling with issues outside of the purview of
friends, and family.
The truth is we all have our struggles, hurts, and
difficulties in life and we’d all be better off if we stopped living a
comparative life, and started trying to be more selfless in our approach to the
world.
If we all reached out a helping hand and heart, to try and
add something positive into the world around us (without keeping score or doing
it with a specific expectation) then I believe the world would be a kinder and
accepting place.
Deep down we all have the desire to be “better” than we are,
whether in attempt to be a better spouse, parent, employee, or human in
general.
How often do you reflect on your past? In attending
therapy, working to have healthier
hobbies/habits and cutting back on a lot of the wasted
time in my life, I’ve been looking forward at where I’m trying to arrive
later in my life. All the while also looking back in an attempt evaluate my
past and analyze the path I’ve been on to get where I am now.
I think we often are so occupied with the busy-ness of the
present day activity in our life that we don’t make the proper amount of time
to look back in our own personal history to better understand how different
moments in our life were pivotal points that led us down a successful path.
I believe that if we all work harder to set ourselves aside
for a moment a few times a week or month and work to try and be more helpful to
the people in need around us it would have tremendous positive effects. Not
only would we be helping to meet a need in someone else’s life, but we’d also
be helping ourselves by allowing for mental and spiritual growth.
Because let’s be honest; doesn’t it feel good, to feel good? Giving back to the community,
volunteering for your child’s PTA function, whatever that looks like in your
own life.
Take the time to try and exercise your selflessness this
week and that is most certainly going to help open the door towards you
evolving into a better person. Moving on to step 2 in my list of 4 ways to be a better person!
Reconnect with the Real World to be a Better Person
Being in a long term relationship is hard if you didn’t
already know. You are taking two unique creatures with their own
individualistic pursuits and ideals about life, their own rituals to get
through each day, and their own idea of cleanliness and throwing them into a
long term shared experience to either thrive or decay.
I don’t think relationships are ever an easy rite of passage
as so many of us are unwilling to give up our own outlook on how life should be
lived and curve or bend to our partner to allow for a more mutually beneficial
experience.
Even harder, is the fact that we now are not only aware that
there are “plenty of fish in the sea” but we have applications designed around
promoting and enabling a hook up mentality where you can just grab a date on
Tinder based on a mutual attraction confirmed via swipe, and after the short
lived experience is over, get back into the application to search for a new
match and continue the cycle.
I’m concerned about these trends in our society as we allow
technology to continue further and further down the path of becoming an
alienation tool. I mean this in the sense that social media, television,
streaming content, etc is all setup so that you can consume and “enjoy” life
from a distance.
You don’t have to go hang out at your best friend’s house,
you can just like their post and comment back and forth. Speak on the phone?
Why would you do that when you can text?
So many of the social barriers that used to exist that I believe
were positive for growth and learning as an adult, are being removed or bridged
over in order to avoid any sort of positive or negative confrontation and allow
for users to seamlessly consume whatever their heart desires online without
speaking with a single, real life human.
Is it healthy for our society that we are leaning more and
more on advanced tech to navigate the social world? I’d say it is not, at least
if we want to be able to pull together as a people and make the world a better
place.
Now can the internet and all the new manner of online social
connectivity also serve as a tool of good and be useful to long term goals that
are constructive for our species? Yes (but only after I retweet this meme of a
cat wearing a batman costume on my fancy, soon to be "old" iPhone X!)
Don’t just share a post on Facebook or upvote a post on
reddit. If you want to start making some real change in our society, put down
the phone and try to go to an actual location where you can make a difference.
This action goes hand in hand with the first idea of
pursuing selflessness as it is combining the execution of an important trait
alongside the action of getting out in the world and putting that skillset to
use!
I’ll give you an example from my life and a situation that
happened a few years back. A nearby town in my local area was struck by a
rather devastating Tornado (Texas being within the boundaries of the so called
Tornado Alley is no joke guys).
As we watched the news and tracked the beast of a storm we
were quite concerned. Sharing news on social media, commenting on people’s
posts to make sure they were okay as they lived in that area, etc etc. But
after the tornado took its toll, and the next day came about, we realized that
we wanted to do more and this was a local community in need. But what could we
do?
How could we work to help in such a mess of damage and
wreckage that was left after the Tornado ravaged neighborhoods within the town?
As dog-owners ourselves, we decided that it might behoove us to go to the town
dog shelter and volunteer for a while as our manner of aid.
There were so many people pouring in to help not just at the
shelter but across the town, that authorities were actually turning people away
as the outpouring of aid was clogging up the town and making it more difficult
for workers to clear the destroyed properties.
We didn’t do anything insane as we were both pretty broke at
that point in time but we wanted to help and the best way for us to do so, was
to walk dogs that were either dropped off at the shelter recently or picked up
in neighborhoods that were damaged or destroyed by the storm.
Loving on those dogs and taking them for small walks while
their holding areas were cleaned was the best way that we knew how to help at
that point in time.
Was it much? Not at all. But we felt some peace afterwards
for doing something to try and share some love within a hurting community. We
were pleased with ourselves for breaking out of our shell, not just sharing or
liking a post on social media but going out and working towards a tangible act
to try and help in a way that we felt we could contribute.
We all have to be better about working to reconnect with the
real world and allow ourselves to at times, take on that servant mentality
where we give to others without expectation of praise or reward, but simply to
help others who are needing a hand up in life.
I know that it can be easy to fall back on the excuse of
saying, “Well we don’t have time to get involved to that level.” But the truth
is we all have the same amount of time in each day to get accomplish what we
prioritize. Whether it be prioritizing watching Netflix and chilling, going out
to eat, or scrolling through your social media feed until you get tired.
One tool that my wife
and I have been utilizing in order to create more space in our evening schedule
to be productive and find windows of time to participate in the real world, has
been to leaning more heavily on our Pressure
Cooker.
It allows us the
ability to quickly get a delicious meal prepped and cooked in a compressed time
frame so that we aren’t sacrificing our own physical health by eating junk or
fast food, but also aren’t spending our entire evening cooking and cleaning up
afterwards.
I think sometimes in this giant world of online connectivity
we make the assumption that someone else will pick up the slack but fail to
realize that we are that “someone else” that others in dire need are counting
on.
We have to stop allowing assumptions to take the lead as
that means that there are people in need out there who aren’t having their
needs met due to the rising inaction of disassociated humans. We have to make
it a stronger and more direct priority to reconnect with the real world and
find our own unique ways to help out the ones in need.
Acting selflessly, more often, and taking action to
reconnect with the people in need in the real world are two valid steps in your
effort to become a better person. What are some of the areas of need in your
own local community that you think you could step up to serve and address as a
volunteer or individual contributor? Which brings me to the next method in my list of 4 ways to be a better person.
Aim To Be More Forgiving & Less Defensive to be a Better Person
Picking back up on the idea of relationships, not just
romantic ones but friendships, familial relationships, and even our
relationships with co-workers, I think it is important to emphasize that we all
need to be more forgiving to the ones around us.
You know how every single one of us grew up going to school
and at one time or another experienced or witnessed someone getting bullied? As
an adult I often wonder what underlining hurts/pains/realities were behind the
scenes in that bully’s life to make them act out in the way that they did.
The truth is we never know what’s going on in the background
of someone else’s life. Whether it is a hard home life, a bad medical report,
disagreement or even divorce within a marriage, financial ruin or overwhelming
debt.
So many things can go wrong in a single life and at a rather
unexpected and high velocity rate of occurrence.
So we all have to be better to forgive one another and not
only to be more forgiving, but to be less defensive in our approach to life.
Whenever I was having troubles with finances in my life and
my spouse would bring it up, I’d get very defensive, shying away from the
conversation and even sometimes resorting to anger in my tone as I’d respond.
What did this accomplish?
For starters, it pushed my wife
away and in the same breath, alienated me. It disallowed any possibility that
the area that I was struggling in could be addressed because I cut off much
needed communication and conditioned my wife to feel as though any time that
particular element was brought up, it would lead to confrontation.
So it became a snowball effect of
negative activity and negative consequences.
While I think that many of us grow
up in harsh environments or are brought up with negative associations about
certain topics such as personal finance, I’ve continued to find that the more
open, honest, and communicative you are with your wife, partner, best friend, or
whoever it is in your life that you care about most, the better off you will be
as you walk together in life and into whatever the future may hold.
If we expand that thought past not
just our loved ones but out into the real world and try to be more open,
truthful, loving, kind, compassionate, and ready to communicate with a heavy
emphasis on those positive qualities, then surely we will have more positive
interactions with the other humans who have made Earth their home.
I think sometimes we are so ready
to get in an argument over silly, non-impactful areas of discussion that we are
closing the door to the possibility of constructive, game changing conversation
that could bring us together with people from all walks of life in order to
produce a more coherent and well established vision for the direction of humans
across the planet.
The overlap of positive qualities
really starts to become evident and gain some steam when you add it all up. If
you are looking to be more selfless, trying to reconnect with the real world
around you, approaching conversations and relationships with more forgiveness
in your heart and a less defensive attitude, how could you not start to morph
into a better person?
It sounds rather easy when I type
it all out but the truth is we are in a world of distractions and we live in a
world where the individuals in power often contribute to the seeding of
discontent, to creating the illusion of one side versus the other.
If you can shy away from being
drawn into the social media fights, the combative comments that derive from
that crazy relative that you’re never going to convince anyways, whatever it
may look like for your life, and redirect your time and energy into something
more fruitful, you will feel the positive effects of that decision over the
long term.
Even when we disagree with others
about politics, money, religion, etc. we all need to work to be better people
to each other and find a middle ground of commonality to stand on instead of
each of us resorting to flee to our own isolated islands of pride and contempt.
Which brings me to my final point in my list of the 4 ways to be a better person.
Be Kind and Be Respectful to be a Better Person
I know, I know these varying
approaches to being a better person are starting to stack up. But doesn’t it
make sense that in order to work to be a better person, you’d need to start
acting with more kindness?
If we all started treating others
with respect not based on their authority over you or their position in life,
but just based on the fact that they are a fellow human who deserves to be
treated as such, I think it’s safe to say that the world would be transformed
for the better.
I understand that it isn’t easy
but when you start to give out the gift of kindness and respect to those around
you that you interact with on a day to day basis, you’d be surprised to see
that they may start to reciprocate.
It isn’t some bizarre magic or
math equation that makes this so, it’s simply human nature. When I take the
time to talk to someone new in the office and find that they too are a dad, a
hard worker, and do the best they can to take care of their family, it’s logical
that I start to build up common ground with them and develop a more friendly
relationship.
Even further if I made a gesture
of kindness and generosity in order to allow them to feel more welcomed into
the new environment, for example offering to buy them lunch in their first
week, that is going to establish a strong connection between us that allows for
future positive interactions and a continued open channel of mutual respect and
kindness.
If you took the time to try and
understand the people around you and get a greater glimpse into their movements
through life you might start to better appreciate those who you interact with
and treat them with more of the kindness and respect that they deserve simply
for existing as a human being.
I’ve had to work hard to stop
looking at relationships in the work place, in church, in my parent circles, or
in my friendships as transactional and start appreciating them purely for the
interaction and perspective that they can provide.
Life shouldn’t be transactional!
It should be overflowing with kindness, joy, compassion, love, forgiveness, and
generosity! If you are only ever looking at an individual relationship and
asking what they’ve done for you lately, then you clearly need to reshape your
thought process.
Relationships can be much like a
garden in that if you are willing to put in the time and effort to feed and
water them, maintaining them throughout the seasons, they can bear fruit.
But sometimes you have to
understand that the process or gardening aspect itself can be the reward as it
isn’t always about what fruit or reward you get in the end of it all.
Not every relational experience
and interaction is going to end with a bounty that is reflective of your labor.
It just won’t happen. Haven’t you ever had a plant that implemented every trick
in the book to maintain, water, and ensure it was properly taken care of, only
for it to die?
This exists within the confines of
relationships as well. Some people you will look to pour time, energy,
thoughtfulness, compassion, love and so many other positive things and they
still will not look to return that sentiment.
Identify your own allocation of
these precious resources and if you see that you are heavily handed in
expending them on individuals who are uninterested in returning that love, and
positive energy to you, then perhaps that should be evident of a toxic
relationship.
Don’t get confused however, in
believing that all relationships should have a, “I did this for you, now you do
this for me,” chain of behavior. That is the opposite end of a spectrum and
approaching any sort of relationship with that sort of thinking will be bad for
you and for the people you are interacting with.
People are quick to catch on if
they believe that you are only ever interacting with them because you “have an
angle” or they perceive you as trying to benefit from that interaction somehow.
Ensure that you have pure intentions when pursuing a friendship or relationship
because motives matter when you are looking to be a better person.
Being a better person means having
good intentions when you are looking to improve a friendship or relationship.
If it is only a transaction based friendship where each of you is keeping track
of what you’ve done for one another over time, it will falter and fade away and
you will continue to see your friends fall back from spending time with you.
Transactional thinking will only
bring you down as those type of relationships are empty and not rooted in
attributes that will lead to a long lasting, healthy relationship. Acting in
that way surely will not lead you to being a better person.
It is key to remember too, that
you’ll never have a full cup if you are relying on someone else to fill it.
It’s your responsibility to fill
your own cup (be happy) and then to do what you can to help others achieve that
same level of fullness, not because you will get something out of that
interaction, but because it’s the right thing to do!
Adding on to this idea, you must
take the time to consider the people that you are working to impress, befriend,
and build long term relationships with. Are these people going to help you in
your path to being a better person or are they going to hinder you?
Consider the type of person that you
want to attract into your life and then go out there and work to build up those
relationships as they will be immensely influential in the trajectory of your
own direction. Have you heard of the idea that you are the average of the 5
people you spend the most time with? Consider that thought and do the math!
Would you be happy to be the average of the 5 people you spend most of
your time with or would you feel as though you are only scratching the surface
of your potential? I love the book, “How To Win Friends & Influence People”
as it walks you through the pursuit of being your best you, and how to actually
achieve it.
It has helped guide some of the most successful people both in a
business and in their personal lives and is must read material if you’ve been
searching for a text that will give you that concrete foundation to
establishing a new, better, stronger, and more successful you.
Listen Carefully, Speak When You Have Something to Say
In line with that thought, this is
why it is also so key for you to listen intently to those around you especially
if they’ve come to you with a struggle or pain that they are dealing with.
Consider your interactions with your friends, family, or significant others and
evaluate how the conversation goes.
Do you find yourself venting for
90% of the talk and then listening very little to the hurts, hardships, or
weekly struggles that they are facing? I’ve had many a friend who would listen
for a moment, pause without response, and then redirect the conversation back
to whatever topic they were solely focused on.
Don’t be that friend! Listen with
your full attention so that the people in your life know that they can bounce
things off of you with the expectation that you’ll provide a REAL response. How
many times have you see people sharing kind sentiments on your social media
post but then fail to see any of those people materialize in real life when you
face an actual struggle?
This underlines again why it is so
important to get out in the real world and develop actual offline
relationships!
Being a better person means
listening well, talking when you have something to say, and being available
when the people in your life that you love are in need. It’s never easy and you
will be hard pressed to find others who are willing to commit their time, ears,
and heart ALL the time when you are in need yourself.
But by taking that step of
reaching out of your comfort zone, being kind, being respectful, listening with
intention and love, and speaking up when you have something on your heart, I
believe you will transform into a better person.
Living a purposeful life where you
are introspective, question yourself about your own behaviors in friendships
and relationships, and look towards the future in asking yourself how you will
be a better person, a better human, is undeniably important to society as a whole.
But on a smaller scale it’s wildly
important for your local circle of friends, family, and loved ones. That
self-reflection will allow for you to grow and become a better version of you,
which is exactly the point of this entire blog.
By working to be more selfless in
your behavior, reconnecting with the real world, trying to be more forgiving
and less defensive, interacting with kindness and respect, and listening more
to the people in your life while better guarding your words and speaking with intention,
you will most assuredly become a better human being.
I hope this write-up of the 4 ways to be a better person has been helpful for you and given you some practical things to implement as well as my personal insight into my own life in trying to utilize these methods. If you enjoy reading at Likelyfiction, please share my site with your friends, family, or enemies (just kidding guys), comment on the post to continue the discussion with me online, or subscribe to receive the latest posts as I release them!
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I hope this write-up of the 4 ways to be a better person has been helpful for you and given you some practical things to implement as well as my personal insight into my own life in trying to utilize these methods. If you enjoy reading at Likelyfiction, please share my site with your friends, family, or enemies (just kidding guys), comment on the post to continue the discussion with me online, or subscribe to receive the latest posts as I release them!
Likelyfiction.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.
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