The Great Balancing Act Of The Fall Season
Fall Season Yall!
This is it my loyal readers! We are back in that season that we all know and love, the Fall Season. It has its good side (beautiful changing of colors, pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks) and its bad side (holiday season can be stressful as HECK) but somehow we all have to figure out a way to navigate it.
So the question always comes to my mind: How the hell am I supposed to balance all of this stuff out? I've got my own parent's expectations, my spouses parent's expectations, our own expectations to contend with and the mounting list of obligations that start to materialize as we draw closer to the end of the year.
If anyone should know what it means to have high expectations in any given season, let alone the Fall season, it's my wife and I.
Life of a First Born
Both my wife and I are first born children. In being the
first out the gate we always felt the weight of high expectation built into the
foundation of our relationship with our parents. I was extremely involved in
basketball, orchestra, and the student body organizations throughout middle
school and high school.
My wife was a drill team captain, honor student, and
homecoming queen at her school. We both received full academic scholarships to college
and that was to be the road on which both of our lives crossed and became
intertwined.
While we both pushed hard to meet the expectations of our parents
it also created a bit of a perfection complex in our DNA. We are both people
pleasers who want to keep everyone happy despite the fact that doing so is just
not possible.
College helped to free us of that to a certain extent. We
began to establish our own routines and mannerisms that were more in line with
the lives we chose to lead. What could our parents do at that point but respect
our decisions?
Now that we have a beautiful little girl running around, it
seems that we are back in a familiar place of facing a lot of expectations with
little time to spread out between our loved ones. My parents split when I was
young so between my mom, my dad, and her parents, we have quite a bit of
running around to do in order to ensure everyone is getting their fair share of
time with their granddaughter.
Making time for family has grown to be more
important than ever to me. Not so much because I want to be running around
constantly but because I want my parents and my wife’s parents to truly know my
daughter.
I want them to see her grow as we see her grow and to really build a relationship
with her. I had a wonderful relationship with my grandmother before she passed.
It defined my life in so many aspects that it is difficult to convey her true
impact.
In that same manner, I want to make sure that my daughter gets an opportunity
to develop a strong bond of her own with her grandparents.
Fall Season: Busy Busy Busy
All of this is to drive back to the primary point of this post; Fall is an extremely busy time of
the year for us all. Even more so for parents of young children.
I'm not sure that calling it a "great balancing act" even does justice to the amount of shifting, juggling, and re-arranging that must take place in order to satisfy the expectations placed upon us during the Fall Season.
Things are beginning to cool off
on the thermostat (which of course means we will all be busting out our favorite light jackets) but when it comes to family gatherings, holidays, and
weddings, it seems as though your year really starts to heat up. Even more so for us as my wife and I share an October birthday!
If your kids are a bit older than
mine then on top of this you are also dealing with the back to school routine!
Kids are learning about new subjects, dealing with new teachers, and
potentially interacting with new classmates.
At this point not only are you
feeling overwhelmed as a parent, but it is very probable that your children are
feeling a bit overwhelmed in their own day to day life. With so many areas in which
you are required to devote time it can really start to feel like an endless
marathon with little to no time to recover your wits and energy for the next
leg of the race.
At some point in this season you will definitely start to feel
like your weekends are all booked up. It
may make you feel kind of crazy but know this: You are not alone.
Create Time for Your Loved Ones
Making time for each other can be difficult in the midst of
a chaotic schedule that will only get crazier as your kids grow older. For us, it is an absolute requirement that we get everything written down in a planner so that we don't lose track of all of the special dates we've set aside for events, family, friends, etc.
As they become more involved in sports, dance, band, or any school related activity, you really start to see that the busy-ness never really ends.
Now that I am a
Dad I have begun to see that at some point you just kick it in high gear and
never really look back. When that reality first fell into my lap I definitely
felt underprepared for such an extensive journey.
“You mean I’m going to be running around like a chicken with
my head cut off for at least another 18 years?”
The short answer?
Yes, yes you will. Becoming a parent is one of the most transformative
experiences that I have ever encountered.
At some point the perspective of the
grand scale of your new circumstances sort of smacks you in the face and you
begin to understand that this experience of yours, while sometimes overwhelming
and crazy, lead to a fuller life than you could have possibly dreamed of
living.
Yes it can get tiresome to run from one parents house to the next,
weekend after weekend, all while trying to get in time for your own passions
and dreams. On top of that you are working to also speak strength and life into
your marriage.
Carving out time to make sure that your spouse still feels the
passion and love can be tough. It is the
great balancing act of being a husband/wife, father/mother, son/daughter all in
the same breath.
Fall Season: Ask For Help!
Trying to take all of this responsibility on alone is not
wise. You have to rely on your spouse to divide and conquer the variety of
tasks that are set before you. Additionally you need to lean on your family and
friends to help you navigate the wide variety of time consuming activities you
find before you.
Your parents have been down this same path as you and have
encountered many of the same struggles, joys, highs, and lows of parenting. Don’t
be afraid to talk to them and ask for advice or help. I’d be willing to bet
that most of them would be delighted to give their input and do their part in
providing some insight.
Finding friends can be tough but you will meet other
parents whose children are involved in the same activities as your own. Get to
know those people! They are going through all of the same motions as you and
your own family.
It can be extraordinarily beneficial to make friends with
people who are in the same place in life as you. You may find that many of your
friends start to fade out of your life if they are not yet at the stage of
having kids or being married.
This is the ebb and flow of relationships. Friendships
can be fleeting at times and you are lucky if you find even just one friend who
is able to make the journey with you through the ever changing seasons that you
encounter in marriage, in parenting, and in becoming an “adult.”
The “real
friends” as Kanye West describes in his music, are few and far between. But you’ll
know them when you see them.
Fall Season: Crazy & Fun
The Fall Season will always be the craziest time of the year for my
family and perhaps yours as well. But with the right mix of ingredients you can
tackle this season with purpose, energy, and balance so that you can come out
of the end of the year feeling proud and accomplished!
You are a Millennial Mom/Dad! Is there really anything that can get in
the way of you kicking ass and ensuring your family makes this fall another
great season to remember? I say there is not!
I hope you enjoyed this article! If you did please do me a favor and subscribe so you can receive the latest posts as they are published, share this blog with your friends, and comment below to continue the discussion.
Also if you want to keep reading check out my post, "Right To Fly" where I reflect on one of my favorite John Mayer songs "Wheel" and discuss how we all have the right to fly but don't always exercise our right to take flight.
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